Why Do I Care So Much About the Past?

Why do I care so much about the past? This is something that has been troubling me this summer, because I keep thinking about the mistakes I have made in the past, what the consequences were, and the changes that it will cause for the future. Some of those mistakes can't even be counted as mistakes, they were simply just some cringe moments or times that I did the wrong thing but didn't even lead to that much of a negative ending. However, I still think about those moments because I feel that those times may have changed people's perceptions of me, and that is why I feel anxious about those moments--they reshape the present and the future on who I am in other people's eyes, and that makes me feel guilty.

I feel that in those moments, I was the one who was being "bullied" by the world, but it is also in those moments that I grew to become who I am today, but through the hard way. I've always tried to be the best and to not let people down, and the make the choices that would always lead me to a place of happiness and satisfaction. Usually, my happiness also depends on another person's happiness, and thus, if they think they are being offended or saddened with what I did and what I said, I feel unhappy with myself and about my choices. I know that I should move on and not "obsess" over the fact that I made those mistakes and that I should do something to clean it up in the future, but sometimes, that is what I think, and hopefully, it is normal.

As a member of the Anxious Generation, I think that we are classified for being obsessing over things that sometimes don't even matter to us in the long-term, no matter if it is good or bad. We could be obsessing over a limited edition Stanley cup that just dropped, a lip balm that just went viral on TikTok, or sometimes, a sentence that we said to someone that changed their attitude and perception of us. I honestly don't know how to stop this feeling from taking over my entire mind and the type of distraction that it gives me is honestly so annoying, to the point where I don't even know who I am--am I failing with my relationships with people, or am I simply just not good enough? Perhaps there is a way for solving this issue, but fundamentally, I am just trying to clear my mind with all the negativity and trying to hope that in the future, even though in the moment, I may not be making the right choice, in terms of how it will end and how it will change me and the people around me, I will not regret what I did in the past and still move on to other things in my life that will be better than what I did in the past because I grew and I have learnt from my mistakes.