I ALWAYS Need to be the Best

That is how I feel oftentimes--that I always need to be the best in my group of friends and peers as if I don't that means I am not working hard enough or doing the right thing that makes me at the same level as them. However, this helps me thrive and always try my best, but this level of intensity is always so draining that I don't even know where I am.

Like, I know where I am in life--I need to to always try my best and to use my efforts to achieve my dreams, however, do I always need to compare myself to others to know that I am doing the right thing with my life? I know the answer is no, but fulfillment is such a competitive society is so hard. It is almost impossible for me as a teen and as a Gen-Z, exposed to media so openly and constantly, to be happy with who I am. I always see someone getting ahead of me in life, someone already doing what I want to do in 5 years time, and sometimes, just at school, for an exam, the anxiety of always needing to get the best grades and to always needing to be the best takes the focus of learning away from doing it, but rather doing it for a result.

I know what I am doing, and after I got all the results for my finals, it has been a difficult time for me because I essentially am lost in my position. Yes I am top 1 in the grade for Chinese and Physics, top 2 in Chemistry, Biology, and English, and top 4 in Math (I got cooked this time because I was in such a rush to finish but then I made a ton of careless mistakes which got me to where I am in the exam), which you might say is decent but it is not the best for me. I had a teacher tell me that because I am so "excellent" and so "outstanding", people will expect more from me and that will result in me having more stress and more pressure. But I think that pressure is a privilege and being able to have some many people hope for the best from me is a great way for me to improve myself and to learn to achieve more.

Thus, I guess it is an honor then, to have people's hopes on me :)