Birthday Blues...

I don't even remember the last time I felt excited for the fact that it is my birthday. I know entering a new. age and a new year means a new opportunity for me to grow and to try new things, which should be something that is exciting. However, in those years (as in like the past 3-4 years), my birthday has always been a bit "boring". The last time I had an actual birthday party was when I was 3, and my parents and one of their friends arranged a birthday party for me at the hotel we were living in. I don't even remember if I actually enjoyed it or not, but growing up definitely is something that should be.

This year will be the second year being a teenager for me. That doesn't mean anything to me, because age has always just been a number and I simply don't really care how people perceive me in terms of my age, but I care about what they say when they correlate my age with what I do. For example, if they say "she is so young, she probably doesn't know anything about starting a business yet"--that, I will be very mad, because they are making a correlation between what I do and if it fits my age or not. However, if they just say "she is so young, but she looks kinda old for her age"--that, I don't care because I genuinely do not care about how "pretty" or "put-together" I look, as long as I feel safe and confident under my skin, that's all that matters to me. 

Anyways, back to the age thing, again, I never feel excited or if I felt anything that is related to my age. However, I like to use my age as an advantage when doing things. For example, when I’m pitching my sustainable fashion business on social media, I like to use my age as a part of the story that shows everyone my dedication when doing this. The birthday blues are hitting me—I always think about what is missing from my birthday rather than what my birthday actually consists of. My birthday consists of my parents, eating my favorite dim sum, and eating afternoon tea this year, but I don’t know what I want on my birthday. Something is just missing. Maybe its the fact that my hormones are taking over. But is it really my hormones? Or bipolar? Because I feel extremely excited and am in a very good mood today, but certainly not on my birthday because I was so focused on the fact that I don’t know what I want.